Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
