ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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