i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
