You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
