if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
