Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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