I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
