You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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