Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
