Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He? As in you personified your dick?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
