My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
