Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize