does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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