Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
