dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
