Barsexuality is the new black.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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