cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
