i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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