Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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