someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
