You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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