Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
