Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
its not stalking. its research.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
