i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
