Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
