U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
