the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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