I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
