I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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