Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Randomize