There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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