I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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