I hate all girls vehemently.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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