just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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