Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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