do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
