so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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