I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
