he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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