its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
