it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
