I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize