Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Randomize
