I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
