her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
