i don't plan on having that self control this summer
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
