you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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