i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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