Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
