This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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