i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
