Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
