Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
