3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
