so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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