Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
