you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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