people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
