3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Also, beer. Big fan.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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