Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
