I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
