I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize