Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
