i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
