tell your sister to shave her snatch
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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