So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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