You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Randomize
