what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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