Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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