I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
