If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
